Koffee Klatch 12-6-2020
Topic: PolyDomination
[08:12] Vanni Cannoli: So let's start
[08:13] Vanni Cannoli: Good morning and welcome to Koffee
Klatch, today we have a lovely tree as our guest star, but I am here, even if
you can't see me!
[08:13] Vanni Cannoli: We had a week off due to Thanksgiving
in the States, now we are back to discuss things "red" like
hollyberries, balls on trees and spanked butts
[08:14] Vanni Cannoli: Before I open the discussion, let me
post the usual header: Our discussions
are in text and are in the usual C/Q/R format, meaning type "C" if
you wish to make a comment, "Q" if you have a question, usually
directed at a person's comments, and "R" if you wish to retract
either your C or your Q. If a person has
a question for a specific person on what they said, just say "Q @
[name]"
[08:15] Vanni Cannoli: Ok today's topic is following
something we lightly touched on a few weeks ago, the idea of "Poly
Dominance."
[08:15] Vanni Cannoli: Often in SL, Dominants will have
several submissive charges and have a poly-relationship in that sense
[08:16] Vanni Cannoli: But less common is Poly-Dominance,
where a sub reports to several Dominants.
We touched a few weeks ago on this and there were some reactions, so I'd
like to continue this discussion.
[08:17] Vanni Cannoli: So do Y/you allow or do this? Is several Dom/mes something that sounds attractive,
or potentially problematic?
[08:17] Vanni Cannoli: What are the plusses and minuses to
such an arrangement?
[08:18] Vanni Cannoli: Now just before we start, I want to
point out -- I'm not talking about scenes with other Tops or Dom/mes. I mean a submissive having a real set of
Dom/mes that he or she will report to, take orders from, and negotiate with.
[08:19] Vanni Cannoli: So more than just "go have fun
with Master RippedAbs, then come back to me for your marching orders." ;)
[08:19] Vanni Cannoli: ok we'll start with Gem, please go
ahead!
[08:19] gem: Sounds like a recipe for confusion unless the
Dominants can agree on a common set of rules for the sub she's going to be
going round in circles trying to please them all.. plus theres the old adage of a Servant can only
serve one Master
[08:20] Vanni Cannoli: I think that's a commonly viewed
issue with this, gem. That's a very good
point, thank you!
[08:20] Vanni Cannoli: Iris, you're up! What do you think?
[08:21] Iris Seven: In my experience, which is moderate, it
does not work at all. For a time, I had owners in Gorean roleplay and my
personal owners outside of that. Attempted that twice and there was far too
much hurt feelings all around despite the best intentions. Also was owned by a
couple and even that led to a lot of insecurity and rivalry between the
dominants...
[08:22] Iris Seven: I think it COULD work but only under
very special circumstances, with dominants who are very secure#
[08:23] Vanni Cannoli: Yes, Gor certainly has a different
set of rules than non-Gorean D/s
[08:23] Vanni Cannoli: I can see how people involved outside
the Gorean lifestyle can get befuddled by it, as a thing in itself.
[08:24] Vanni Cannoli: So I can see how that could cause
problems, Iris.
[08:24] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks so much!
[08:24] Vanni Cannoli: We go to Blondie for $500 in
"Comment"...er...I mean Brianne
[08:24] Brianne: ty...hee
[08:25] Brianne: I report to Master Kirin and also to my
Goddess Amber. It's really great for me
because it's like tag-team domination, and I don't get neglected so easily,
which is so common in SL, sadly. It can
be an issue when both are on and there is overlap. They don't fight over me like 2 dogs over a
bone, but I think that the potential for someone being short-changed is the
Achilles heel of poly-dominance. it's
important that they both get my fullest attention.#
[08:26] Vanni Cannoli: That's a really good point, Brianne,
as while it seems win-win for the submissive, it can definitely be problematic
from the Dominant's viewpoint in that their charge is spending some time away
from them.
[08:26] Brianne nods
[08:26] Vanni Cannoli: so as Iris said, it really takes
planning and level headed people to make it work
[08:27] Vanni Cannoli: but then again, poly-submission can
have similiar problems minus that planning and level-headedness.
[08:27] Brianne nods nods
[08:28] Vanni Cannoli: Really good point, here's your $500
and you move to "Final Jeopardy -- Ultra Spanking" We'll be right back.
[08:28] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks for that!
[08:28] Brianne: Oh, I love that category
[08:28] Vanni Cannoli: We move to Dijana please!
[08:29] Dijana384: I have a dear friend in rl, she is solo
poly. She has had up to 3 Doms, 2
currently. I think it works for her because
they are long distance to her. She goes
to them, as travel allows, she is collared by one and a partner to the other,
but both very dominant men, they know about each other of course. All three of them are poly and have other
partners too. It just works for
her. My thought only...as a
submissive/slave, I am naturally attracted to dominant men, thus the reason for
my question a few weeks ago.#
[08:29] Vanni Cannoli: That's an interesting setup!
[08:30] Dijana384: I have never personally been in such a
set up...but man it's interesting....
[08:30] Vanni Cannoli: In my First Life experience, there is
less poly-dominance than poly-submission, and really there isn't much of that
either. So that's an interesting case study
from a sociological perspective
[08:31] Vanni Cannoli: and it sounds like it works so good
for them all! :)
[08:31] Vanni Cannoli: Very interesting, thanks Di!
[08:31] Vanni Cannoli: We move to Sir Ballard please
[08:31] Ballard: I have been in situations before where a
submissive had other masters, or even
protectors. It simply does not
work. What inevitably happens is the old
'but Master smith says I can' (whiny voice).
I feel that rules, protocols, attire, acts, and service are all things
that need to become ingrained. If my
girls had such from others they would become confused, or even rebellious when
things didn't go their own way.
That said, I certainly have no problem with my girls
exploring other dominants, and seeking the entirety of what is out there. I feel a submissive needs to allow one and
only one to set RULES and have a contract, but surely we all can learn from the
experiences of being with others.
#
[08:32] Brianne: That is a very thoughtful and thought
provoking statement, Sir.
[08:33] Vanni Cannoli: I remember You saying something very
similar a few weeks ago, Sir, and yes, that is a point well taken. "Go thou out and havest fun, but thou
answer to only one."
[08:33] Vanni Cannoli: or whatever, I can't do KJV English
well on one cup of coffee
[08:33] Ballard: Exactly so, Vanni
[08:33] Ballard: "Go thou forth and screw, yay tho
shall always by under my hand"
[08:34] Vanni Cannoli: Amen!
In nomine Crop et Flogger, et X-Frame, Amen.
[08:34] Vanni Cannoli: Thank You Sir!
[08:34] Vanni Cannoli: Let's go to CC please!
[08:35] Consuela Hypatia Caldwell: I've chosen to have
multiple Dommes because both of them are not online that much. I've told both
about each other. the first one who is gone from sl sometimes weeks at a time.
She doesn't like the arrangement that
much but she understands. Other, the one
I've been seeing recently has her own sub she shares with her sl partner. So
far, they have been working me into their family.
So far it's been working because their time when they are
online at the same time has only overlapped by 20 minutes. Each of them is very
intelligent and very sensitive Dommes. The second is still in the early stages
of the relationship but by the way we are together and our shared interests, I
can't imagine it not developing into something serious.
So far the only problem that has occurred was during a 20
minute overlap, when I was in after care with the new domme and my first one
came online. She was put out that I didn't rush to be with her. I think this
will be something I'll need to talk to her about in the future.
[08:35] Consuela Hypatia Caldwell: third, is an older one that has gone vanilla
and we've moved the relationship to First Life. We've traveled cross country
multiple times to be together
[08:36] Vanni Cannoli: Wow sounds like you're very busy
there, CC! But it seems to be working
well.
[08:36] Vanni Cannoli: Do you think with the first Domme
though, it might end up working less well over time?
[08:37] Consuela Hypatia Caldwell: Well if they were ever on
with more frequency but no, I have time in sl by myself.
[08:37] Vanni Cannoli: Well I hope it works out well!
[08:37] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks CC!
[08:37] Consuela Hypatia Caldwell: Thank you Vanni
[08:37] Vanni Cannoli: Let's go to Sir Kirin, please!
[08:37] Ḱιrιn StαrۣۣۜLιght Serevι: Many of the things I was
going to say, have been said so I will just mention several things that I find
very critical. If those Dominants love and care for that sub, there needs to be
mutual respect, trust and constant communication which should flow naturally in
an organic way between all parties. All hearts need to be bare to the other
with nothing hidden.
[08:38] Pure: nods
[08:38] Vanni Cannoli: Agreed, Sir!
[08:39] Vanni Cannoli: I think that the main difference here
is that with a poly family of one Dom/me and several subs, there is one focus
point...but with two or more Dominants, there are several foci, and that can
bear out more problematic.
[08:39] Lisa Summerland: Well said
Kirin............"All hearts need to be bare to the other with nothing
hidden."
[08:40] Vanni Cannoli: The real focus seems to be the
Dominants have to be in agreement, as You point out.
[08:40] Dijana384: nods
[08:40] Brianne: makes for an ellipse, not a circle.
[08:40] Vanni Cannoli will write some sociological thing on
this on my blog sooner or later
[08:40] Ḱιrιn StαrۣۣۜLιght Serevι: Otherwise it is a doomed
dynamic
[08:40] Ḱιrιn StαrۣۣۜLιght Serevι: at least in my experience
[08:40] Vanni Cannoli: Thank You Sir!
[08:40] Vanni Cannoli: well said
[08:41] Vanni Cannoli: Le'ts go to Pure, please!
[08:41] Pure: Tahnk ou Vanni
[08:41] Pure: I know such an arrangement can be made between
two dominants who are not in the same time zone. They share the same interest
in their submissive. Thus, they make sure that their submissive is in good
hands even if they cannot be present. However, this requires a great
open-mindedness and frank communication ... Because I know that several
Dominans do not like to share ... In RL, only one dominant is present most of
the time (travel is currently difficult. , we know why). The other is in
virtual contact. SL is an option which is obviously facilitating.
[08:42] Pure: #
[08:42] Vanni Cannoli: Yes, well said Pure.
[08:43] Vanni Cannoli: Dom/mes in general don't like to share! Or at least share on a deeper level than
"spank her and f* her, but send her back to Me!" *grins*
[08:43] North Habsburg: I think the poly-dom situation can
work as long as there is different 'levels' as per the previous example. In RL
it seems to be more of a sharing of Tops, than actual Owners/me nods to vanni
[08:43] Elliott Eldrich: C
[08:43] Ballard: 'clean her up first'
[08:43] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks Pure!
[08:43] Dijana384 spits out her coffee
[08:43] Vanni Cannoli: and that's a good point, Sir North!
[08:44] Brianne: "no sloppy seconds, please"
[08:44] North Habsburg: sorry vanni that was 'jumped' in
[08:44] Vanni Cannoli: It's OK Sir, it's the holly-daze :P
[08:44] Vanni Cannoli: Ok we go to Becky please
[08:44] Becky Summerland: thank you Vanni :)
[08:45] Becky Summerland: so here goes my chapter ;p
[08:45] Becky Summerland: I lived that (many dominants) for
years and it worked pretty well... There are keys to that, like maturity. I was
led by amazing women who had themselves a hierarchy, but also a respect for
each other that made it that they would not contradict the wishes of
another without a good reason. My safety valve in that was the fact one of them
had veto over me, it's what kept me sane. It lasted +/- 10 years, and
eventually came to a stop last fall because of time erosion in SL, where many
leave, hence dynamics change. I am still very close to the last 'two' (Kendra
and Cherry). We ended things peacefully and I will be forever grateful for all
they brought me and let me bring them. I'd say, be it 2 or 10 in a
relationship, the main components of communication, respect, honesty, owning
oneself, will help if the relationship fails, to at least understand everyone's
part in the end of that relationship. To each their own ;p #
[08:46] Vanni Cannoli: Yes, all very well said, and your
book publisher should be on the phone in 10 minutes! :P
[08:46] Vanni Cannoli: We keep coming back to that theme of
maturity and communication, which is the heart of any D/s,or vanilla,
relationship
[08:46] Vanni Cannoli: Well said, thanks!
[08:46] Vanni Cannoli: WE go to Tegan please!
[08:47] Tegan Manatiso: okay, Nect Chapter!I was never ina
poly family but i am Poly and had a structure in my head. I had rl hubby who
was dominant but we didnt operate as Master/sub. He was first. I had a master
inSL who asked for more submission, he was second. Both of them took presidence
over others. I was in love wiht both.
Below that line i had 2 dominant men I was close to and
could submit to, but with them it was first come first serve.
That was my limit in terms of deepr levels of beign
submissive., i couldn't give the emotion
and respect to more than that so if i played with anyone else they were below
the 4 of them. Was just having fun with
someone i respected. So llke I started with, not a "family" per se,
but a structure i felt I could handle and the men all knew what to expect from
me and I them.
as for a sub formally reporting to multiple Doms, never seen
it work well. Some problems came in in simply looking at the profiles. someone
was on the partner line and seemed to have more power. In some cases, i felt
[08:47] Tegan Manatiso:
that sub actually seemed to be more in charge and her profile showed a
definite preference.and BTW the higher level dom was usually the newer one, not
the Dom she was first partnered to when the arrangement got created. maybe she
got bored withe the first one, but he certainly seemed to lose out. #
[08:48] Vanni Cannoli: Simon and Shuster just called, your
contract is in the mail :P
[08:48] Tegan Manatiso: woo hoo!
[08:49] Vanni Cannoli: All very good points, thanks for your
personal takes as well as your general thoughts, Tegan.
[08:49] Vanni Cannoli: I think it can indeed be problematic
minus, as we've said, communication and understanding.
[08:49] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks!
[08:49] Vanni Cannoli: We go to Dae please!
[08:50] Daelenie McMillan: Thank you, I know some of this
has been said already.
[08:50] Daelenie McMillan: I have been in this type of
relationshiop a few times in SL. The first was in Gor when my then Master took
a Free Woman as his Companion. it worked ok since he was still basically in
charge. If she told me to do somethig he had forbidden I only had to tell her
Master said not to and let them hash it out.
That ended when she decided to leave SL and he left soon
after that. Probably one of the few good times I had in that RP honestly.
My first encounter
with this in a D/s relationship was when my Mistress Partnered with another
Dominant. I felt two Dominants and four sisters was ok, we were given the
choice of accepting both as a Dominant or not. If we chose not to then the
partner to our Domme would respect it and not scene or Dominate that person. I
chose to Sub to both of them and I had no problems with it. we had good
communication and both cared for all of us subs. It lasted for about three
years then they split and of course we all went our seperate ways but it was a
good experience.
[08:50] Daelenie McMillan:
I have heard issues with the two giving conflicting orders and stuff but
that seems more like a lack of communication between the two than anything
else. So Communication is one of the most important things to have in this type
of relationship. As others have said, maturity, communication, honesty and a
lack of jealousy is needed.
[08:51] Vanni Cannoli: All well said, Dae.
[08:51] Vanni Cannoli: I think part of the reason it worked
in those two relationships is perhaps the Dom/mes in question were together.
[08:52] Daelenie McMillan: That's very likely.
[08:52] Vanni Cannoli: But it seems to add more tension if
the Dominants are in different family situations
[08:52] Becky Summerland: Lack of jealousy, yes Dae, very
well said ♥
[08:52] Vanni Cannoli thinks of the old song "Torn
Between Two Masters...feeling like a fool...obeying the both of you, is
breaking all the rules.." :P
[08:52] Daelenie McMillan: Love as you will and I shall love
as I must.
[08:53] Vanni Cannoli: Thanks Dae, all well said and I agree
with you! :)
[08:53] Vanni Cannoli: Sir North, did You have more to add
to our conversation on this?
[08:54] North Habsburg: yes, with regards tio having two
slaves, I think the emphasis needs to be on making sure everyone clicks
together and not just two one way relationships, that for me has turned out to
be the 'secret sauce'
[08:54] North Habsburg: that was the rest of the previous
sentence I was typing out earlier #
[08:54] North Habsburg: #
[08:55] Vanni Cannoli: Well it certainly seems to work well
for You and these two lovelies, Sir!
[08:55] North Habsburg: most slaves/subs don't sign up to
have half or one third an owner
[08:55] Vanni Cannoli: Which is the best thing
[08:55] North Habsburg: thank you vanni, I am very lucky
[08:56] North Habsburg: (almost as lucky as they are, ahem)
[08:57] Vanni Cannoli: Abs you're up please!
[08:57] Abriel Stargazer: thanks
[08:57] Abriel Stargazer: I have known subs who had more
than one Dom and while it's not my thing, it seems to work sometimes as long as
the Dominants are all in communication and agreement so there are no conflicts
of rules and such. I'm sure it is very challenging in the same way poly sub is
very challenging...you have to make sure you give each person the time and
attention they deserve, nipping drama in the bud, being completely honest both
with yourself and the others involved, watching out for NRE aka Flavor Of The
Month syndrome and playing favorites, etc. So I don't see too much of a
difference. I have always said what's good for the goose is also good for the
gander. If it works for you, that's what matters. #
[08:58] Dijana384: completely agree Abs!
[08:58] Vanni Cannoli: totally well said, Abs!
[08:59] Abriel Stargazer: That said, one is enough for me
[08:59] Vanni Cannoli: If it works, that's great. Pragmatic philosophy is centered on results:
"The Value of the System is predicated on the achieved ends...if there is
felicity, there is completeness" or something like that from William James
[09:00] Vanni Cannoli: Well said, thanks! :)
[09:00] Vanni Cannoli: We go to Sir Elliot, please!
[09:00] Elliott Eldrich: Regarding a submissive with
multiple Dominants, I imagine there are some for who that could work, but
speaking for myself that would never work for me. All things considered I've
had to realize that I'm very monogamous and am happiest when I'm in a solid
monogamous relationship.
But this brings me to another thought, and that has to do with
a word I have yet to hear in this discussion, and that word is
"compersion" - as in "the ability to feel genuine happiness for
the happiness of another." I'm continually amazed at how many practice a
poly dynamic who don't know about that word or that concept, it's a lot like
someone who claims to be a pilot who doesn't know about weather reports. It's
like "really? Seriously?"
To know that your little one is in the arms of another
Dominant, being merrily humped and they're both having a wonderful time, and
being able to feel genuine happiness for both of them while you're not there -
I know that there are some who can do that, but I also had to realize that I'm
not one
[09:00] Elliott Eldrich:
of those. My advise to anyone else considering a dynamic like this is to
look deeply inside of themselves and honestly ask if they have the ability to
have this kind of compersion in a poly relationship. #
[09:02] Vanni Cannoli: That's not subject to just D/s I'd
think Sir, but any form of intimate relationship. And well said!
[09:02] Vanni Cannoli: I think it's why vanilla polyamory is
the serious exception, not the rule.
[09:03] Vanni Cannoli: In one of my sociology classes we discuss
changes in sexuality, and I have the class watch a video on polyamory...and
most say "great for them, no way for me!"
[09:03] Vanni Cannoli: but they seem more shocked by
swinging for some reason
[09:03] Vanni Cannoli: Thank You for that Sir, well said!
[09:05] Peaches Svenska grinned and bowed her head
graciously. "Compersion is one of the things i knew before, naturally, but
didnt know there was a word for it..anyway..Nothing earth shattering or
particularly unique, but I thrive having one Master. One who owns my collar, my
heart, my all. This Rock of Gibralter relationship gives me the freedom and
security to explore where my heart leads me. I can abide by and obey another
Master as long as it doesnt go against MY Master's wishes, but in the end..I
belong to one. Thanks#
[09:06] Vanni Cannoli: Thou speakest well, oh red haired
delight of Xaara.
[09:07] Vanni Cannoli: and right, you can scene with others
and take smaller orders in the scene, but nothing that would contradict or even
"add to" the D/s relationship with your Master.
[09:07] Vanni Cannoli: Well said, thanks!
[09:07] Vanni Cannoli: Sir Sam, You are up please!
[09:08] Sam Cabot: Thanks Vanni. I totally agree with many
of the points so far, especially the ones Becky mentioned. I am fortunate to
enjoy the submission of a few girls. (Mind you, I am saying submission, not
service. That is more important to me personally than service.) About half of them are collared girls, and I
have never had any problems come up with owned subs. I think mutual respect,
trust and honesty among Dominants is critical for them to share a sub. When
people start acting like middle school kids and look at ownership as a badge to
prove they are dominants, or when they try to poach subs/slaves, it is definite
recipe for disaster. Egos and juvenile competitions to see how many subs one can
own can be toxic, so it is best to control our own egos before we dream of
controlling a submissive or slave. Now that Cali is here, I can use her example
too. I don't own her collar, but by golly if anyone thinks I don't own a part
of her, they'll get a piece of....
actually, nah, it doesn't matter what someone else
[09:08] Sam Cabot:
thinks. I know I have her devotion and she knows how MUCH this girl
means to. Trust and love is all one needs.#
[09:08] Vanni Cannoli: Very well said Sir!
[09:09] Vanni Cannoli: Many years ago I was asked to be the
#8 girl in this Domme's "growing family" as she said
[09:09] Vanni Cannoli: I asked how many she was looking for
and she said "20 or more"
[09:09] Vanni Cannoli: ......
[09:09] Vanni Cannoli: I politely declined.
[09:09] RB Quinn: hahaha!!!
[09:09] Ballard: ouch
[09:09] Abriel Stargazer: 20?! WTH
[09:09] Sam Cabot shakes his head and laughs
[09:09] Brianne now serving... number 9... number 9
[09:10] Vanni Cannoli: She was looking for a menagerie it
seems
[09:10] Vanni Cannoli: LOL!
[09:10] Abriel Stargazer: How would you make time for each?
[09:10] Ballard: Ballards Submissive Marching Band
[09:10] RB Quinn: "If it is 8pm, it must be Vanni"
[09:10] Brianne: hahahahaha
[09:10] Ḱιrιn StαrۣۣۜLιght Serevι: a collector indeed
[09:10] Cali Hunter: c
[09:10] Ç î Ặ Я Ặ is online.
[09:10] Vanni Cannoli isn't a pinned butterfly
[09:10] Glenn Courtois is online.
[09:10] Ballard: I'd pin you Vanni
[09:10] Vanni Cannoli: Thank You Sir! Very well said!
[09:10] Abriel Stargazer: was about to say Sir
kirin...that's the very definition of a collector
[09:10] Vanni Cannoli: LOL Sir
[09:11] Vanni Cannoli: and oddly enough, Sir, we come to
You! Was that Your comment? :P
[09:11] Brianne: Sir Ballard, after pinning her, is that
when you mount her?
[09:11] Ballard: I have had a hard time with understanding
compersion. Not in the experience of it,
but in the lack. In SL in particular, it
has always thrilled me when one of my
girls had a great experience with some one.
I have always been proud when I hear compliments on her service. Whether sex, service or just good RP, how can
you say that you care for someone, if you cannot be happy when they have a
great time? Jealousy in SL has always
baffled me. This may because while I
have a relationship, I also respect my partners as people, and as free agents
that are with me because they choose to be, and not because of some odd idea of
debt or ownership. So compersion should
be the natural state, and jealousy is the aberration. I find it bizarre that this is not the
case. #
[09:11] LovelyBrat McMahon is online.
[09:11] Vanni Cannoli: Amen!
[09:12] RB Quinn: hear! hear! *smiles to his friend*
[09:12] Ḱιrιn StαrۣۣۜLιght Serevι: Well Said.
[09:13] Abriel Stargazer: some people are just simply not
wired for poly and there is nothing wrong with that
[09:13] Vanni Cannoli: I think humans are territorial, and
partners of any type, vanilla or D/s, seem to be seen as "part of the
territory"
[09:13] Vanni Cannoli: Which leads to compersion as a noble
idea and one we should follow, but perhaps less likely given the human
condition
[09:13] Vanni Cannoli: I mean, people here in Los Angles
freak out if you signal and change lanes in front of them!
[09:14] Ballard: I agree Abriel, this is simply how my mind
is wired.
[09:14] Vanni Cannoli: "That's MY lane, you
BITCH!"
[09:14] Abriel Stargazer snortrs "At least LA people
USE signals..."
[09:14] Vanni Cannoli: LOL
[09:14] Daelenie McMillan: signals are option here
[09:15] Vanni Cannoli: But yes, I agree fully, Sir, we
should have compersion and wish those we care for well. I hope we can all practice that more
[09:15] Vanni Cannoli: Well said thank You!
[09:15] Abriel Stargazer: one state trooper in GA said it to
me best: a signal just means it works, and that's true for about 90% of the
time here in the South
[09:15] Vanni Cannoli: ok two more comments for today as we
are running over
[09:15] Vanni Cannoli: Cali, please!
[09:15] Cali Hunter Compersion is an important topic for
me. Currently as Master mentioned, I am
close with many Dominants, but I only have two Daddies and one
"owner" ... it's hard to explain.
I am blessed that my two Daddies laugh and enjoy each other and enjoy
making me squirm with their antics... i dont mean sexually all the time, i
mean.. they are just funny together.
There is no jealousy because they know that I love them both and I make sure to make each one feel like they
are the top of my world and especially focused when I am with each specific
one. I serve every Master I am with with
a focus to let them know that in that moment they are my world. :) I
wrote a paper on compersion and hopefully I will get a chance to share it...
but a former Master of mine made a good point during the first time I presented
the topic. I feel he hit the nail on the
head. This is what he said...
[09:16] Cali Hunter: "No matter how uncomfortable the
feelings are, don’t run from them. Don’t try to escape them. Jealousy is almost always a cover emotion for
fear. Figuring out which specific fears you’re experiencing can help dispel
them. Fear of abandonment? Fear of replacement? Fear of being alone? Fear of
being not good enough? Fear of being unlovable? Unattractive? Not as sexy,
pretty, smart, successful, interesting or good in bed? Once you realize exactly
what it is you’re afraid of – and once you’ve examined the invalidity of your
beliefs and the unlikelihood of the scariest outcome – you realize what silly
tricks your mind was playing on you, and you’ll feel instantly better. So next
time you’re feeling jealous, allow yourself to feel it. Don’t deny or repress
feeling it. Admit to your partner you feel it. Because feeling it is the first
step to making it go away" (JTCyber, 2017).
[09:16] Cali Hunter: I also wanted to add... that some
days... as my Master Jessie said... he meets me where I am at... some days you just dont have it in you and
THAT's OK!
[09:16] Cali Hunter: Here's another quote to finish then
i'll shut up :)
[09:16] Cali Hunter: "I decided to try a gentler,
meditation-inspired approach to cultivating compersion for my partner and his
date. I often experience compersion by playing a movie in my head about my
partner enjoying himself. Usually, the feeling of his enjoyment spreads through
me and it’s glowy and wonderful. When, in a situation like the one I’m in now,
fears intrude to spoil my compersion, I usually shut down and stop the movie
and that’s the end of the exercise. No compersion today" (Taylor, 2013,
para. 3-4).
[09:16] Cali Hunter: :)
[09:17] Vanni Cannoli reroutes Di's contract and check to
Cali
[09:17] Vanni Cannoli: ;)
[09:17] RB Quinn: smiles across at Cali "Nice!"
[09:17] Sam Cabot kisses Cali's neck "Tell Jessie, he
can't come meet you where you are. I don't want him in my lap" laughs.
[09:17] Cali Hunter: Hahah... I've always had the note on
long winded... ask Master Jamesen
[09:18] Vanni Cannoli: All well said, thanks Cali!
[09:18] Vanni Cannoli: Sir Elliot, you get the final comment
of the day please
[09:18] Elliott Eldrich: In regards to what Ballard had to
say, here's my take on this: as I've often said, there's no "right"
Dominant or submissive, what there is is the one who is right for you. By the
same token, poly isn't "right" or "wrong" - what matters is
determining if it is right or wrong for you. Some can do it and be very happy,
and some cannot. This is where self-evaluation and introspection comes into
play, and also relentless self-honesty.
In response to what Cali had to say, I'll finish with a
quote from Rumi regarding emotions -
"This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an
unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and
invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a
guide from beyond." - Rumi
[09:19] Vanni Cannoli loves Rumi
[09:19] Elliott Eldrich: And I'm done
[09:19] Vanni Cannoli: And yes, we all have to find our way,
Sir. So very true!
[09:19] Pip is offline.
[09:19] Vanni Cannoli: This was a fantastic discussion on
this topic, Thank Y/you all so much!
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